"And only you will know..."

The mind is a dangerous place...like any environment, it can be hostile to the interloper or the native.

The condition of survival is familiarity, knowledge.

Know thyself. That is the challenge of life, of achieving balance.

There is no perfect balance, no perfect system, every system is in flux, those most at peace are often at war with each other...save those in tune through adaptation and evolution to be at one with their environment...

The Kung! are the best example of the most affluent society, perhaps I should read Nisa again, fully this time, to better understand Anthropology and the challenges of my most maddening idea ever...well almost.

That mankind is at eternal war with itself and nature, surrendering to nature is the best means of survival, no, mastering it is, no wait...
So which is it? or is it the mastering of oneself and ones' environment, a mastery of balance without effort.

The first book I should read is a book on Zen.
The second book is a book on Psychology.
The third is a book on Anthropology.
the Fourth, on History.
The Fifth, no longer on Strategy- there isn't so much a way to win as a way to minimize losses.

Sustainablity, that is our best chance of survival, and we've already cut our chances beyond half.

It is a maddening idea to realize you're doomed.

Doomed to die, doomed to destroy, forever cursed to consume.

But that is what we are, biologically- consumers. We consume, we do not produce, or do we?

We have the power to be the gardeners, cultivate your garden.

This is the humble truth of the western world.

The key to sustainable growth is destruction, cycles.

So perhaps the Maya are right, 2012, the end of their calendar, marks not an end, but a beginning of a new cycle.

I can only hope we can survive until then. To see the changes that may occur, to not destroy this home of ours and everything.

The Secret to Life, The Universe and Everything? Entrophy. Everything decays, it is a depressing thought, a maddening thought, but where there is destruction, there is creation.

Matter cannot be created nor destroyed.

Mutability.

Mastery of self is the mastery of one's mutability.

"Be like water..."

Water is the gift of life, the sustainer and destroyer, what it gives, it can take away.

The Sun, is the giver of life, the sustainer and destroyer, what it gives, it can take away.

The Earth, is the supporter of life, the sustainer and destroyer, what it gives, it can take away.

"I have met the enemy..."

and he is me.

You can't have spontaneous and sustainable growth. I went mad trying to achieve a sort of mania that nearly killed me. I will not let it happen again.

Cyclothymic.
That's the word of the day, the lesson to be learned from this. I may not be bi-polar, but there are triggers for mania in me, triggers for depression, I can resist the latter easily, but I am easily excitable.

Curse of an Intellect without means enough to express ideas.

Too many ideas, bottleneck. too little time, too little time...not enough hours in a day.

"You have no chance to survive make your time"

Time travel is relative, it isn't quite possible or impossible.

That is a maddening idea. But Einstein was on to something.

Relativity, to some I may be a genius, to others a fool, and yet more a madman.

Forwards and backwards, I have come to believe in cycles.

I have become obsessed with achieving balance, eventually I will accept a null state as my ultimate fate, but in the meantime, I wish to create, as the the opposing drive of every destructive consumer and creature in all of Creation.

WE ALL WANT TO BE GOD BUT ARE TOO AFRAID OR TOO FOOLISH TO ACHIEVE IT.

That is the role of government, that is the role of society, that is the role of any human created institution and system...an attempt to control that which we cannot create, to create from what we cannot control.

Order.

Yep, Lawful Stupid or Chaotic Stupid, Humans are Naturally True Neutral...as D&D would have me believe, but we're still stupid.

No body has the right idea, and I'll probably die before or when I could possibly get it right.

The problem with being a leader is being sound enough to lead and foolish enough to try.

The only true balance is a balance of the whole.

WE may never achieve perfect order or disorder.
Anarchy is an idea, not a force for good or bad.

Governments rise and fall at the whim of people seeking power, violence is a means to an end, survival.

Hell, one could say that violence is a population check, that some are supposed to die, and that medicine is a resistance to the f ate which we are all condemned...but survivability, sustainability...
preemptive strikes are an oxymoron, you can't rightfully attack what isn't a threat!

Preventative medicine however, is still an oxymoron, yet you can improve the BASE LINE for health. You can remedy temporary conditions, life is a temporary condition, but we wish to sustain it.

And so we shall.

Immortality is in IDEAS.

"You can't kill an idea, ideas are bulletproof."

This pop culture mind is due for another pop, luckily I'm setting myself up for a cool down.

Best to give up the game before I go insane, best to stop before something pops in my brain.

Recharging, I need sleep, food, and possibly a replacement of fluids.

Valerian Root for sleep and nerves, meditation for state of mind, writing down ideas to save for later.

Mania is a state of being, not a state of mind.

I can and will control my self. I am not beyond that, I am not weaker than everyman, I am no stronger than I have to be to survive.

We all have a character flaw, a tragic flaw to our anti-hero.

I'd like to be...me.

Imbalance is bound to happen, the problem is getting the system back in check.

WE ARE the imbalance, WE ARE unchecked.

I could pray to the holy trinity to save me, but I wouldn't be asking for God as much as the very idea.

I need consultation of friends, I need to collect my thoughts not so much as I must collect myself.

When this bout ends, it will begin again, but I have no control over when or how, merely the succeptability.

The idea is to recognize the signs...

Lack of sleep.
Increased Sleep.

Racing thoughts. (I was always able to think faster than I could talk, or talk faster than I could think)

Circular reasoning.

Ha.

"You can't tell no lies if you're insane." (from The Good Nouns)

So, am I lying, or telling the truth?

When in doubt, lie to yourself.