"Gimme some sugar, Baby."

While I've been away on Spring Break, and doing other things away from or in Tuscaloosa in the past month or so, I have realized some things...

Well, mostly I guess things have just been brought closer and closer to my attention.

1. I prefer actual sugar, in its least refined forms. No High Fructose Syrups, but Fruit is fine, thanks. (Apporango sauce is bad ass, believe it or not Apples, Oranges, Bananas (YES!) and Mango Pulp can coexist in a homemade style apple sauce consistency!)

2. I am going to LOATHE leaving Tuscaloosa at the same time I am going to LOVE getting the hell up and out of that town. Too many memories, right? Things to do that you are comfortable with, places to go, people to see. It all sucks and rules simultaneously. BUT more to the point...

3. I am going to HATE living in Huntsville again. I can just feel myself getting sicker, lonelier, more...bitter and nostalgic. I've already started to run into people I knew from when I was in High School- and I AM NOT talking about people I was friendly with in High School I'm friending on Facebook...I'm talking about girls I took to Homecoming and one of their DADS walking around in Walmart with his younger girlfriend and her/their? baby. I seriously had to follow them a little bit ala secret squirrel to make sure it wasn't Sheila's Dad AND Sheila with baby in tow.

4. Related to point 3...I realized at dinner with my sister and her boyfriend (who is younger than me...) that he knew about me before I knew about him in this town due to girls that I kept some company with...namely he used to sort of date a girl that helped tie me to a fence in a playground just so she could steal a kiss...etc. I realized, basically, that I've made some poor choices in the past concerning both who I decided to hang out with or pursue social engagements with, and how I treated/talked to/behaved around people I knew and who knew me.

5. The library rocks. Period. (but the Huntsville/Madison County Main Library, and possibly annexes there of, might do better with more computers. Pay attention wealthy Madison County people!


And
6. I AM rather lonely for female company. I don't even want to get laid so much as I just want to be around people, and particularly girls it is safe for me to have romantic interest in.

It is DAMN frustrating for a person of my morals and shyness to go around a town like Tuscaloosa, or even Huntsville, seeing attractive and interesting ladies and girls about.

It seems I run into all the typical problems-

#1., the girl is taken- boyfriend or otherwise involved in a manner that would be ill-conducive to my advances.

#2., often a problem that occurs in conjunction with a lesser degree version of #1, girl is a friend of mine that I don't hang out with so much or I don't have such a history with that I lack a romantic physical attraction towards them.

#3. The most typical voiced concerns: The girl is taken (I know I already mentioned that, but it is so major it should be included again), a lesbian, or crazy.

Now, I know some guys are turned on by "I don't think I'm attracted to guys," and I barely am- but it is safe to say that I have a history with, proclivity towards, and fair tolerance with bisexual, "queer," or not really up to voicing a preference type of females. Essentially, if they are willing to deal with ME, they meat my qualifications as to sexual-preference or any other relationship or type of association.

I can deal with crazy. But I would like to follow the rule I've heard stated elsewhere: "Don't climb into bed with anyone crazier than you are."
Sure, I've been pretty crazy, but even for losing my mind a couple of times, I keep a pretty even keel, just like my middle name might suggest.

#4. Younger girls.
&#5 Older women. Seriously, age difference is more of a LEGAL and MORAL issue here in America than ever. But I'm not stupid- from a moral, legal, ethical or just plain COMMON SENSE and/or INTELLECTUAL approach to even consider dating a girl more than 5 years my junior at this point, but those 5 years make a HUGE difference going either way, so I strongly doubt it would be a good idea to even pursue a similarly mature female toward the extremes of a 10 year age-span in reference to me, if not for any other reason than LOGISTICS, never mind ignorance or experience even.


This sort of selection pool bias might help in the eventual selection/elimination/working within my limitations that I'll be bound to go through when I do get to a place where I'm ready to date or something like it.

Ahem...I've ranted a bit. Which proves my insecurity on the matter.
I belies my actual confidence. I'm willing to take the long haul for my career options and further education. I'm willing to do so as well with relationships- rekindle old ones, redefine recent ones and start new ones.

I pretty much have to. Gathering resources, building a war chest, compiling intel, and setting GOALS. I am in another stage of transition and I am tempted on all sides.

Speaking of Tempting, I want to throw a semi-party. A St. Patrick's Day open invite. Pregaming if you will...

From the moment I set foot in my apartment, I will be readying for the holiday us Somewhat Irish American's embrace...with a cultural celebration of foibles and humanity as well as getting pissed drunk.

I will be making Irish stew in my traditional fashion.
I will be playing my Irish Drinking Mix (2), incessantly.
I will be drinking to old friends, alive and dead, repeatedly.
I will have small quantities (so bring your own too) of Meade, Irish Whiskey, and Ale.

I will be hitting bars well enough after nightfall, specifically Egan's.

But I must feed people cabbage and good stew before a night of drinking.

So I extend open invitation to all who can stop by between the hours of noonish and midnight or after even on St. Patrick's day. (expect me to be out from 9 or 10:30 until Midnight though. 1 pr 2 am I will likely be making my way home due to Sunday Liquor Laws.)


(Oh, and I think everyone likes having attractive friends, and unattractive ones ALSO make them look better, but I strongly doubt people go around pursuing unattractive or uninteresting people the way people are more inclined to pursue interesting and attractive people to be around)

But yeah, I pretty much figure it is more about my personal confidence and a lack of security that is my problem with pursuing romantic relationships these days.